Funny Status for Facebook

The definition of a beautiful girl is one who loves me.

I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when i am drinking something.

Only fools fall in love and I guess I'm one of them.

God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

Friday is my second favorite F word.

For all the girls that say, "All guys are the same", who told you to try them ALL?

Every girl deserves ONE GUY who looks at her everyday like it's the first time he saw her. And I'm the one GUY.

I think I got a fever, a fever of you.

I always give 100% at work:
13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.

Please God if you can't make me slim, make my friends fat.

I bet that in prison, everyone's FB relationship status is set to "it's complicated."

Facebook is like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there's anything good in it.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When we are bored, we get on Facebook then we get bored on Facebook, so we get off then 15 minutes later back on. It's an endless cycle/

My life, my choices, my mistakes, my lessons, not your business.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

That awkward moment when somebody is doing the dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

Doctors finally figured out what's wrong with a boys brain. On the left side, there's nothing right and on the right side. There's nothing left.

Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition.

Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Do you have the time? oh no, the time to write down my number.

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

The average woman rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Hi, I'm Mr Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.

Lovely days in my life, childhood days, school days & college days.

Horrible days in my life, only EXAM days.

Girls fall in love with what they hear.

Boys fall in love with what they see.

That's why girls wear make up and boys lie.

My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her and I said, it's freaking 2013 so I'll rent a boat.

If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who always argue should be called Angry Birds.